Waves
by hacim09
Summary: James proposes to Lily, but Lily doesn't react the way James thought she would. Basically, it's Lily's thoughts running through her head, after he proposes. Summary sucks. But please read and review? Thanks!


It was early one morning, and the sun was hidden behind several frightening dark clouds that had been building up for the past couple of days. It was only a matter of time before the clouds became too heavy and the rain would start to pour on the grounds. The distant rumbling of thunder was like a warning bell, signaling all to take cover. Lightning flashed on the horizon, miles away. The wind was starting to pick up also, tossing Lily's hair everywhere. But Lily didn't take notice. She didn't notice the change that had taken place in the atmosphere. She didn't notice that the temperature had been dropping steadily, and that it was very cool for early June. She didn't notice anything. Instead, Lily concentrated on her running. She didn't think, she didn't observe, she just ran.

Lily struggled to get up to the bluff that overlooked the lake. As she reached the peak, Lily collapsed onto the flat surface. She waited to catch her breath, after running all the way to the top of the peak. When she finally felt her heart beat slow down back to normal, she began to look around her at the place she had called her home for the past 7 years. Lily looked at the lake, where some of her best and worst memories had occurred. She looked at the waves that beat against the shore. Back and forth. Back and forth, repeating the same process over and over again. No matter what happened in Lily's life, the waves were always there, witnessing the bad and good in her life. They were constant, something she could depend on to comfort her. To be there for her, unlike some people. Unlike some things.

Lily hated change. She wished that things would stay the same. The truth was, she wasn't ready to go out into the Wizarding world. She wasn't ready to accept responsibility. She wasn't ready to leave behind everything that she had ever known, and to jump blindly into the future. She wasn't the type of person who could do that. She didn't adapt well. She never had. She liked to slowly drift into something different. She wasn't able to make leaps of faith. She simply wasn't ready! What was so wrong with that? Couldn't she things just stay the same? Like the waves? But Lily knew that this could never be possible. She knew that she should just accept this fact of life, because she was going to be miserable for the rest of her life if she didn't. But Lily was stubborn. And she wanted to hold on to the pieces of her life. She didn't want to turn over a new leaf. She didn't want a new beginning. She liked things the way they were. When her professors had told her that they would be graduating in just two weeks, Lily had felt as if a part of her heart had been ripped out. How could they be leaving so soon? She wasn't ready to leave! She didn't want to face reality. She didn't want to face the fact that there was a war out there. A war where her friends and family were fighting a losing battle. They were dying. And she didn't want to face that. At Hogwarts, it seemed as if it was another world. A world where the war didn't exist. Sure there were signs. But they weren't that obvious. But when they got out into the real world….What if they died? What if they could never win? What if evil was always going to prevail? She didn't know if she wanted to live if that was the case.

And James…she knew that she loved him. She knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, even all of eternity! In fact, she wouldn't want to live without him. She couldn't. He was like her oxygen. If he left, she couldn't survive. So why should it matter, if she was married or not? But Lily knew deep down that it wasn't that she wasn't ready for that commitment. Sure she had doubts, like what if things changed? What if he decided that he didn't love her anymore? What if he left her? Lily shook her head. She knew he wouldn't. She knew that he felt the same. But for some reason, those insecurities that had always haunted her, kept popping up, over and over again. Lily thought it was because she didn't want to face the deeper reason. The scarier reason. What if James and her got married and Voldermort went after them? She knew that James would die protecting her. And she didn't want that. She didn't want to have to live in fear. In pain. Lily didn't like that feeling. It made her feel vulnerable, scared, and lonely. Lily hated to feel this way. To feel like she had no control. Lily needed control in her life. She needed to know where things were going. She liked plans. They were safe. They couldn't go wrong. And now t seemed like everything was happening at once. There were no plans. There was no future. There was only blackness. Indecision. She needed more time. More time to figure out what she was going to do. To make plans. To envision the future…

"Ugh!" she screamed out loud, frustrated, she stood up and started to kick the rocks around her. She pulled up the grass that was growing along and threw it down on the ground, grounding the vegetation into the ground, like a cigarette. She then sighed and collapsed back down onto the ground, groaning. She pulled herself into the fetal position, and rocked herself back and forth. It was now that the clouds had released the rain that had been building. The furry of the storm was starting, and it wasn't going to wait for anybody in the way, even Lily.

The rain came down harder, and harder, and it pounded against the earth, and Lily. She shivered as the cold droplets, poured on her. But she didn't move. She wanted to seep down into the earth. She hoped that the ground would consume her as it did with the rain. The lightning picked up, and began to flash all around Lily. The thunder that followed was just as frightening But Lily found it beautiful. That something could be so beautiful, but yet, so dangerous at the same time, was exhilarating. And the way the thunder shook the ground, making everything tremble was breathtaking. It made Lily feel so alive. Like she was seeing for the first time. Like she was being reborn. Like she was taking her first breath. It reminded her of the way…No. She would not think about him! She wouldn't! She wouldn't!

She sat up, so that she could get a better view of the action, and watched as the lake gained power too. The waves crashed against the shore with power and force. It thrashed again and again against the ancient dock that stood at the edge of the shallow area. She watched in horror as the wooden structure finally surrendered to the power of the forth, and was consumed by the lake. She gasped as the wood splintered and disappeared from view. For some reason, this touched Lily as nothing else had. It disturbed her and reminded her of herself. She was so easily broken. She was going to end up like the dock. Torn into pieces, sinking slowly. No future. No happily ever after. Nothing. She was going to die alone. Some bigger force that she couldn't fight would consume her, just like the waves had. And she couldn't be in control of it. It was her destiny. To her own surprise she began to cry. All of her emotions were now coming to her so suddenly, like a dam finally bursting. The salt water just poured from her eyes in abundance, like a fountain, spewing water. She sat at the edge of the cliff, sobbing. She cried so hard that she started to choke, but her crying soon turned into a constant, steady stream of tears. She cried for all of the changes occurring. She cried for her friends that had died in the war. She cried for her broken family. And finally she cried for herself. As she sobbed, she could swear that she heard someone calling her name. But she passed it off as loneliness. Several moments passed, and she heard it again.

"Lillll-eeee!" the mysterious voice called. "Lilllll-eeee!" Startled, Lily stopped crying for a moment, and started to hiccup as she looked around for the owner of the voice. She squinted her eyes, trying to make out a figure. At first she could of sworn it looked like a man and a deer. But the man disappeared, and as soon as Lily blinked, the deer changed into a man. Her eyes must have been playing tricks on her she thought. It was probably just a tree. It wouldn't be the first time her eyes had played tricks on her. Lily lied back down, curling up into a ball. She whimpered like she was a little girl again, longing for her mothers lap. She suddenly felt ashamed. Ashamed that she was feeling so vulnerable and confused. Ashamed that she was wallowing, while others were being killed!

Suddenly, warm, strong hands started to smooth Lily's hair. And the mysterious voice started to sing. It was singing her mothers lullaby! When the voice died, Lily sat up. She didn't turn her head, not wanting to ruin this perfect moment. Lily's eyes started to water again. She started to hiccup, but she didn't want to cry. She was to ashamed.

"It's okay to cry." Said the kind and soothing voice. "Cry." It encouraged. Lily succumbed to her tears, and started to cry even harder then the first time. After maybe 15 minutes had passed of her crying so hard, no more tears would come. Lily then decided to turn around to see who the comforting stranger was. But instead she saw a deer. And this time, she was sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. She feebly stood up, trying to gain balance, and slowly made her way over to the animal. The deer then bowed its head to her, and started to muzzle her neck, while Lily shakily held out her hand for the animal to lick too. The deer then proceeded to push her backwards, with so much force, that Lily fell on the ground. She looked up to see the deer transforming into a human. She blinked a couple of time to try to focus her eyes on what was going on. When the transformation stopped, it took a moment for Lily to realize that it was James Potter that stood before her. Before Lily could scream, the boy rushed forward and clamped his hand over Lily's mouth.

"Ssssh!" he said. "Don't' scream!" She stared at him in wonder, with big, round eyes. "Do you promise not to scream?" he asked. Lily nodded, dazed. She felt as if she were in a dream. Nothing seemed to be palpable. It was as if she was just there. Nothing more. Nothing less. Numb almost. He finally released his hand from her mouth, and before she could say anything he started to talk.

"Lily, my darling." He started. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Please forgive me for keeping this from you. I wanted to tell you. I've been bursting to tell you ever since we started dating. But I was afraid. Afraid you wouldn't accept me. Afraid that you would think that I was…a freak or something. But when you didn't respond to my proposal, I was afraid you had found out about me being…amagi. And I wanted you to hear it from me. To see me for yourself. So I understand if you don't want to marry me because of this. I understand completely….just please promise me this? Okay?" Lily nodded, still feeling as If she were in a dream. She felt as if she was a spectator instead of the person that this was happening to.

"Promise me that…that you'll give me a chance! Please. I love you with all of my heart and soul! I would rather die then not spend another minute with you!" He paused, waiting for her reaction. But Lily couldn't speak. She couldn't move. She felt as if she were frozen in time. She felt as If nothing would ever exist after this. As if this was the end of time. This was her last moment ever being Lily Evans. And in a way, it was. It was now, that James finally looked her in the eyes and said:

"Lily Marie Evans, will you marry me?" Lily didn't even blink. She didn't breathe. She just leaned over to James's ear and whispered:

"Yes." Because in that very moment that James had whispered that he would not want to live without Lily, a part of Lily's soul that had not been there before, now was. She knew that from that moment forward, that she did not ever want to be separated from James. She knew that she was ready for this. That whatever may come her way, as long as James was at her side, she could do anything. It didn't matter that she couldn't see her future. That she wasn't in control Because she had him. It was no longer just her future. It was theirs. And as long as he was in it, everything would be okay.

**A/N: So I'm really really proud of how this turned out. I think its one of the best things that I've written. I love just the contrast of the waves and everything. But I hope you guys enjoyed it, and please, please review! Pretty please? I want to know what you guys thought about it. Good bad? Let me know! Just hit that little button on the bottom of this, the review one! Thanks.**


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